Sleep Sex or Sexsomnia – It Could Happen to You
Welcome back!
Sleep sex or sexsomnia — a disorder that causes people to commit sex acts and have sex with others while asleep without waking up — is a distinct variant of sleepwalking and more common than you might believe. It can even be happening to you.
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A U.S. study published in the journal Sleep found that virtually all known sleep disorders, from sleepwalking to sleep apnea carry a risk for abnormal sexual behavior when the lights are turned off.
Dr. Carlos Schenck, the study’s lead author and an associate professor of psychiatry at the University of Minnesota, blames today’s harried and high-stressed lifestyles for aggravating sleep disorders.
Sleep deprivation aids to precipitate the condition for those predisposed to sex-related disorders because it creates more instability in their sleep, he says.
Photo Mayr
Most people are aware that sleepwalking, aggression and even eating while asleep are medical disorders, but many are unaware that sexual acts during sleep is a viable medical disorder. The professor says others are too shy to seek help for abnormal sexual activity during sleep, or fear that people will judge it as willful behavior.
“It’s very embarrassing. First of all not to remember, and then to be told that you’ve done all these unusual sexual things in your sleep.” said Dr. Schenck.
Dr. Schenck’s study revealed that sleep sex is rarely isolated from other sleep disorders — sufferers from sexsomnia typically had 2 to 4 other sleep disorders, from sleepwalking to sleep terrors.
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The 1st research paper that suggested sexual behavior during sleep as a new form of parasomnia was published in 1996 by 3 researchers — Dr. Colin Shapiro and Dr. Nik Trajanovic from the University of Toronto and Dr. Paul Fedoroff from the University of Ottawa.
The condition was defined in a paper called “Sexsomnia – A New Parasomnia?” published in the Canadian Journal of Psychiatry in June 2003.
The first doctor to coin the term “sleep sex” was Dr. David Saul Rosenfeld, a neurologist and sleep doctor from Los Angeles, California.
Photo Wickedchimp
The reality of sexsomnia has been confirmed by sleep disorder researchers who have made polygraphic and video recordings of patients with the condition while they are asleep and observed unusual brain wave activity during the episodes similar to that experienced in other NREM arousal parasomnias. It’s a mind and body disconnect that occurs during sleep.
While it may be embarrassing, sleep sex is nothing to laugh at. Dr. Schenck has seen examples of both sexes injuring themselves with violent masturbations.
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Documented Cases of Sleep Sex
The issue has ended up in court, where sleep sex has been raised as a defense in sexual-assault cases in Canada, the U.S. and Europe.
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The Ontario Court of Appeal acquitted a Toronto landscaper of rape in February 2007 who was in a state of “sexsomnia” when he tried to have intercourse with a woman at a party after he had been drinking heavily that night.
Mr. Luedecke’s memories of the incident were as if he “were looking at it from outside, like a vision almost.” when he testified at his trial, and admitted to 4 previous incidents of sleep sex, although with girlfriends. The triggers are normally sleep deprivation, stress and alcohol.
Defence lawyer Frank Addario argued that this case would not open the “floodgates” for sexsomnia defenses in sexual assault trials and stressed that the medical evidence supports Mr. Luedecke. He added that his client is the only person to successfully use sexsomnia as a defense since a key Supreme Court ruling in the area in 1999.
Photo Jason Rogers
Sexsomnia disrupted the lives of Australian woman and her partner when she was having sex with strangers while sleepwalking in 2004. The behavior continued for several months and the woman had no memory of her nocturnal activities.
Evidence such as condoms found scattered around the house alerted them to the problem, and one night her partner awoke to find her missing, went searching for her and found her engaged in the sex act.
“Incredulity is the leading player in cases like this.” said Peter Buchanan, the sleep physician who handled the case at the Woolcock Institute of Medical Research in Sydney. Several factors convinced him that the case was a real sleep walking phenomenon, including the distress of the couple, and an in-depth clinical evaluation.
The woman was assessed to have a history of talking in her sleep as a teenager and when monitored in the sleep laboratory, she was found to have a higher number of arousals from deep sleep than is usual.
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Sleepwalking is often triggered by stress, and this may have been the case with the Sydney woman, says Buchanan.
There are cases of sleep walkers leaving their homes, driving cars, or engaging in behaviors that they would not usually. In 1987, Ken Parks drove 23 kilometers from his home in Pickering, Ontario, to his in-laws house, where he strangled his father-in-law unconscious, and stabbed his mother-in-law to death. He was acquitted of murder because he was sleepwalking at the time.
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Any type of sleepwalking is rare, occurring in about 3% of children and young adolescents, and 0.5% of adults. Usually it involves little more than walking around in a fairly purposeful way while asleep, although sleepwalkers may lash out if awoken.
Sleep expert Dr. Ishaad Ebrahim said people who are sleepwalking can carry out actions that they do when awake, and 4% of adults who suffer from the condition carry out sexual behavior.
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Help and Treatment for Sleep Sex
Problematic forms of sleep sex are medically treatable conditions. The treatment has commonalities with other NREM parasomnias, and also involves specific interventions.
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Treatments are available, such as the drug clonazepam, which allows patients to stay in a deep sleep and makes it more difficult for the internal triggers to go off, Dr. Schenck said.
“It can be properly diagnosed and treated.” he said.
In the case of the Sydney woman, her night-time excursions stopped after psychiatric counseling.
Sexsomnia is not always problematic or extreme for those who experience it or for their partners. There is a wide variety in both the frequency and levels to which people are affected by this disorder.
Photo Tom Baker
Sources: Globe and Mail, New Scientist, BBC, National Post, and Wikipedia
Tags:parasomnias sexsomnia sleep disorders sleep sex sleep walking sleepwalking
Owhh, I think, she enjoyed when having sex while sleep
I think it’s same as walk while sleep, or maybe their activity bring to their dream
I had heard about this being used in a court case and am interested in the research that is being done. I think it’s a fine line, however, when someone claims they had too much to drink at a party and forced sex on a stranger and an actual disorder. I hope this plays out very carefully, especially in cases that end up in court. Thanks for the info.
Never heard of this before.
But it wouldn’t be very funny if it happened to me >_>
I read something similar the other day, but your article is far more complete and resourceful. I certainly hope this won’t happen to me or people I know…
but then again… hmmm
I’m not one to make snap judgments about people without knowing all the facts myself, Forex. I know it sounds suspicious, but people’s reputations have been ruined by others jumping to conclusions when in fact they were innocent.
In that particular case, her doctor concurred that she had sexsomnia . Sure, sometimes a doctor’s opinion can be bought, but they have a lot at stake with their career if found to be providing false witness.
I think you’re right about the sleepwalking, Bambosi. The landscaper who was charged did state that he felt as if he was outside his body. Perhaps there is some level of awareness in a dream-state for some.
Yes, it’s a very fine line, Uptake, and has potential for abuse. One of the first articles ever written on this blog was about sleep-driving. I had someone contact me who had actually experienced it, and was going through court over it. It’s often related to taking specific meds. It is indeed a viable condition. So I would be the last person to say this is just a ruse to escape a person’s actions.
Indeed Gerard, it’s definitely not a laughable situation in particular cases.
Thanks Mig
Well if it was your partner with you, that could prove to be a little bit of fun 
I can actually relate to this condition on some level … as a child I used to sleepwalk, and I talk in my sleep regularly.
In one instance, I had a dream that I was playing with a room full of monkeys. They were everywhere … flying on trapezes and swings etc. Ribbons and all sorts of things were flying through the air. I can still remember a little of it to this day. I woke up in the kitchen with flour thrown everywhere, and had to clean it up quickly before my parents woke up
Wow, interesting post. All my wife tells me when she’s asleep is “leave me alone!” Kind of the same when she’s awake. Oh, well, at least someone is having some fun. Your site is awesome!
peace,
Mike
livelife365
Well not a whole lot that I can say to that, but sorry about your luck, Mike
Glad you enjoyed, and thank you
It exists emphatically. My current partner has sleep sex with me. I wasn’t aware of it when we first started sleeping with each other, until one time he woke up in the middle of it and said quite surprised ‘what the hell was going on’, then fell promptly asleep, leaving me dumfounded and having to accept he was maybe just tired and didn’t feel like continuing.
I questioned him a couple of days later but he didn’t recall a thing, just merely mentioned one of his ex partners used to complain about him trying it on in the middle of the night like that too.
But seriously it is not ‘trying it on’. It could be carried out to the end if he didn’t wake up sometimes. I am still confused as to whether he is awake or not to this day, though sometimes I will question him and if he doesn’t give a coherent answer I know he’s asleep, but then even that is confusing because sometimes he talks back and yet is still asleep!!
Though I am not complaining, because in that state he is actually more attentive, responsive, and loving, so I’ve no idea what his ex was complaining about!!!
I’ve actually had friends tell me similar stories, Anon. But how can you tell if he’s awake or not when he sometimes speaks to you as well. At least you get the pleasure of enjoying it, while he’s entirely unawares
That’s hilarious that he’s more attentive to you during those times … perhaps it’s because he’s less inhibited.
[Yawn]
I’ve had clients comment to me that it happened to them – particularly when they were very stressed. (Don’t get me wrong, it doesn’t appear to be common!) Bizarrely, one of them said the first they knew of it was when they made so much noise they woke themselves up.
Although it sounds funny, they were horrified at the time – and somewhat frightened.
S
PS: They’re chilled out about it now and laugh at it themselves. (I’ve got permission to share the story.)
my partner has sexsomnia and i dont mind ……i watch him and well……. when i told him he didnt believe me so i video taped it and he was very suprised. our only worry is the kids, they dont understand why they cant sleep in our bed but we have decided its not worth the risk….i think he would kill himself if he did something like that in his sleep.
I am quite intrigued about this, because at this current moment in time I am facing a dilemma that this could perhaps be the solution to.
I am a guy, and there is a guy that I really like, who insists he’s straight, however shows signs of being at least Bisexual. I went camping with him, and two adults, and he falls asleep immediately.
He pretty much gave me like 2 handjobs (sorry if nobody wants to hear this), and I wasn’t sure if he was awake or not, so I did it in return. I asked him if he was asleep the entire night, and he told me he was. I don’t think he knows at all, and I am actually worried about him, because if he tries it on somebody else(non-intentionally) then he could get in alot of trouble. I cant contact him either,because it is restricted (group home).
I really like him, and I need advice in which way to proceed.
Please help me…
Sorry for the late reply Kyle.
I’m not any kind of professional in that department, all that I can offer is my own personal advice. And that’s not to say that it’s the correct one either, especially since I don’t have his written words or able to see him in person to read into him.
But I would say that if he is flat out denying his bisexual interest, don’t push it, if you’re interested in pursuing a more personal relationship with him. Be his friend as a true friend would be, and if anything is meant to happen, it will eventually evolve.
If you’re sharing a bed with him in the future, I wouldn’t do the reciprocal thing. What if he was to wake up? You could destroy your friendship, with him believing he had been molested, getting you into a world of trouble. You would also lose someone who means something to you on a deeper level than merely physical.
But you could possibly toss into the conversation when you’re alone in a light and joking, jibing kind of manner that he had been playing with himself in his sleep and attempted to touch you without being aware and awake to know that he had. He may get embarrassed (don’t let him feel badly about it), but it will open his eyes to what has happened. If it happens again, tell him that it happened again.
It’s not a valid medical condition just because a couple of far out docs do ‘research’ on it and form a conclusion. Most doctors don’t know hoe to do research anyways. It’s also one thing to have ’sleepy’ sex with a partner, another to slither into someone else’s room and initiate sex with them while they’re sleeping. Only a bunch of creepy lawyers could sell that concept.
I hear you about the lawyers Nabi, and no doubt that some would attempt to get away with that in a rape case, but I’m not so sure that I would rule the possibilities out for certain cases.
Deborah, thankyou for your article. I actually came across it as this happened to me last night and I was trying to find some information on the net of this happening to other people. I am having alot of trouble dealing with the whole situation. I have been a sleep-walker and talker since I was little and I know that I have had sex with my boyfriend while I was asleep, in his words it’s like I wasn’t really there. I have no issues with having sex with my boyfriend when I am in this state as its something I would do anyway. Last night however it was not like that. I had been at a friends house and we’d all been drinking, I’d been speaking to my boyfriend on the phone at the end of the night and our talk got a little raunchy, after we hung up I went to bed, in a single bed on my own. I can remember dreaming I was with my boyfriend, at his house, having sex. Then nothing for a long time, I woke up with no clothes on. I sat up and said “what the f**k” and a male friend of mine who was sleeping on another single matress on the floor started freaking out saying “don’t you remember, don’t you remember”. This was not me passing out and having drunken sex with a stranger. I feel dirty and violated but feel my feelings of anger towards my male friend are not fair, he had no idea that I didn’t know what I was doing. I need a little constructive advice. I am feeling very like I was raped as the situation was out of my control. Do you know of any other helpful websites with information about sleep walking inlvolving sex as most articles/ pages I have been to are extremely sceptical and I just need some helpful information.
Hi does anybody know of any cases where the person that suffers from sexsomnia has been convicted ? I have found many cases where the person has been acquitted. I am talking about this in my college course, many thanks.
I had to read up on this, I’ve slept walked myself on a few occasions but I didnt know this existed untill the other night i spent the night with my friend, and as were asleep and he suddenly wakes me up and we have sex. It was so bizzare it seemed as if he was awake but after a while I realised he wasnt. Not that it was a problem for me or him as we were having sex before that anyway. but an interesting article. He told me about some problems its caused him in the past and things, I felt bad for him really.. Must be frustrating doing something like that and not being able to control it.
My fiance does this, and he has no recolection of doing it whatsowever, weve slept in the same bed for 4 years now and it happens alot, and im not saying i dont like it! But it certinly does happen!
Hi guys … You know I never had a clue about SEXSOMNIA before, but incidences that brought this to my notice made me look up for this on the net about 4 years ago.
1) One early morning around 3 a.m. I just woke up suddenly with my brother slapping me… I had been drunk and was drinking alcohol that nite.. i was in my underwear and as per my brother having an erection and initiating sex with him. I couldnt remember this part.. but I do remember suddenly waking up and just muttering some nonsense .. and going into the bedroom from the hall. My brother has made my LIFE MISERABLE OVER THIS.. telling my family how I tried to hit on him ! .. I seriously never remembered.. YES I AM BISEXUAL OR GAY ( Havent made up my mind yet )
2) My uncle who came over to my home everytime he comes down from the Middle East.. started telling my mother I was a faggot and I used to touch him in the nights when we were sleeping together on the same bed… I couldnt believe him because I couldnt remember.. HONESTLY couldnt …. Then he told me that you see how I catch you tonight.. you will do the same thing again.. In the night .. I actually woke up to see myself touching his chest and realised he was in the zone of waking my mum up to show her I was touching him.. To him it seemed like a JOKE.. to me I was ashamed out of my wits.. just turned my face around and fell asleep again… This HAPPENED ACCORDING TO HIM FOR FOUR CONSECUTIVE DAYS and didnt the day after I woke up and CAUGHT MY OWN SELF DOING IT! ( OH I HADNT HAD ALCOHOL on ANY OF THESE DAYS!)
3) My mother who never commented on this… before .. told me how one night I had done something the very same way to her.. And she woke up to see if I was awake.. I WAS NOT !!!
4) I had gone once to Ahmedabad for a singing contest where four guys slept in the same room. two of the guys commented how I was masturbating in my sleep which I STILL CANNOT BELIEVE or remember! ( well I do now as this was before my family fiascos so couldnt believe it at that point of time . I HAD ALCOHOL )
5) My sex partners tell me how sometimes I just demand for sex in sleep …. and dont remember it !
I spoke with my mum about it who always told me how SHAMEFUL it was to be GAY ( she has accepted it now though) and how ALCOHOL triggers this effect in me.
I agree wtih her about the ALCOHOL part as it happened mainly on such days.. However, I still cannot explain the uncle fiasco. I mean the man defied me that I would do it again , and inspite of et al.. I woke up to CATCH MYSELF DOING IT !
Its been rarely happening anymore…. atleast people havent told me so… But there is always that hint of fright it could always happen to me….
people may find this funny because I have a tendency to laugh at some people’s WOES when it sounds ridiculous.. but yes I DO SUFFER from this DISORDER.
Till date, my brother who always lived with an INFERIORITY COMPLEX about me looking better than him, gets a BUZZ from the fact that I HIT ON HIM .. and his explanation is that NO PERSON NO MATTER HOW DRUNK HE IS CANNOT REMEMBER WHAT HE DID
Well Bro, I genuinely CANNOT REMEMBER WHAT I DID! And it has nothing to do with me finding you hot, coz I never did.
I choose not to stay with anyone but my boyfriend now.. because any sexual activity with him is fine in episodes i dont remember but I cannot afford that happening again wihtin family… I have a supportive mother who always rationalises for me ..but I have a HORRIBLE brother who can do nothing but find opportunities to PUT ME DOWN in front of FAMILY , for all the childhood years he got called UGLY for and I got called the GOODLOOKING SON!
I dont know if I should get this disorder treated though.. because I knwo how doctors take things out of proportion. Before you know it they would say weird things like I have psychosis or schizo and ruin my life which is being so happily led with my partner at the moment. Apart from the sex episodes I have had no issues before !
Hello!
There is a Polish website on sexsomnia and on research in this field.
seksomnia.blox.pl
I have recently been a victim of rape, as I suffer from this dreadful condition. I have slept walked and talked since I was a child, I have been ready to get in my car and drive on one occassion. I had been seeing a guy for about 18 months and he kept on laughing and telling me I had been having sex with him in my sleep, off course I did’nt believe him, he told me that he was doing all kind s off kinky acts and I still didn’t believe him, but about three weeks ago I refused to have sex with him because i knew i was ovulating. That night apparantley he had sex with me and I quote “put two in me” so he could get me pregnant in the hope I would marry him. I wouldn’t have believed it, but off course I am pregnant (with my 4th child) and the only reason I know the sleep sex claim is 100% true is because the low life idiot has been bragging to friends how he can have sex with me while I’m asleep, and don’t remember anything. This is the most appalling disgusting violation, I was raped conciously 15 years ago, and the pain and tortue this causes me is far greater than then. He has been breaking into my house and raping me for a few months now. What sick headed human being can commit this VILE act???????
Sorry i was just reading your page and sadly i have this problem… have for years just with out the sleepwalking problem. I sexualy touch anyone who is sleeping next to me… when me and my ex were together we would sleep naked in bed and she would tell me the next morning that i had not only fingered her but managed to slide my member into here an give her and orgasime and i didnt even know it because after she was don i would role away…. i have had this problem for over five years and didnt know it was a problem….minus the many ex’s… where do i go to get cured of this problem because im tired of having it!… please write me back as soon as passable
i to have this problem at first it started with groping my wife but last week i fell asleep and apparently was trying to ***ger her in my sleep,she kicked me and i woke up not remembering anything that had happend, no she says she cant trust me any more and i feel like if i don,t get some kind of help she is going to leave me, im deeply ashamed of my actions and feel like a split person and i feel like i cant trust my self any more it is kind of nice to see that im not the only one who has this disorder but im not sure how to correct this i don’t want to louse my wife to something im not even aware of, what do i do!!!!!!!!!!!??????